So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
