Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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