I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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