Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
