i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
