yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
