Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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