I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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