The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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