Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
