ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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