So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
