loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
