i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
