I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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