my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
