The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
