i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
