I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
