they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
