he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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