Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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