I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
