I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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