is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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