I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
