I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
