Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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