god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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