Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
