Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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