i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
