Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dicks are not precious.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
