swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
