This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
