i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
