i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
