Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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