it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
