please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
