just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
