smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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