I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
