You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
