It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
