you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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