I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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