mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
