i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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