am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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